Monday, August 19, 2019

10 Tips to Help Moms of High School Freshman





So often, we look on line for guides and checklists on things like, “5 Tips on Choosing a Martial Arts for Your Child”, or “17 Must Have Items for the First Time your Tween Attends Overnight Camp”, or “101 Ideas for your Boy Scout”.

Have you ever noticed that there are virtually no lists on how to prep yourself as your child gets older?  There are tips on prepping for the hospital stay, and what to expect the first year, but those really don’t cover what to expect for yourself. AmIRite?

I was actually going to write a blog article about how to help your new high school student adjust to going to a new school, and as I thought about it, I looked back 6 years ago when my son started high school, and realized, what do I wish I’d known then, with what I know now?  What could I share that can help other moms in that position?

So here you have it, Mom!  10 Tips to Help YOU Help Your New Freshman.
1.     COLLEGE:  Don’t talk about it yet.
It’s super tempting to talk about that… I get it.  But it’s hard enough for your child adjusting to navigating their school hallways, all of the new rules each teacher has, not to mention getting to the bus stop so early in the morning.  Do reminisce with your child a little bit about your first days of Freshman year, so that you can relate, but also find out what they might be expecting and work through that.
2.        IT’S COMPLETELY NEW.  Help your child with this.
Helping your child figuring out time management is vital.  I mean, *I* still need help with my time management.  Purchasing a planner and using it helps them, and you, to see how busy they are going to be with their new schedule is easier than putting everything on their phone.  Back it all up on your phones by sharing schedules, too.  And of course, sleep.  Sleep is so important, so allow those occasional weekend mornings for extra sleep.
3.        CURFEWS.

So here’s an interesting idea I found a few years ago:  Discuss together what you both think is reasonable for a high school senior’s curfew would be, and then subtract every year by 30 minutes.  So for instance, if as a senior that midnight is a good curfew, then as a junior, 11:30, a sophomore at 11:00, and a freshman at 10:30.  This is just an example.  YMMV.

4.        DISCUSSING RULES AND EXPECTATIONS. You know, the hard stuff.
Oh my gosh… this is the really hard stuff that you might be procrastinating on.  Now, we did talk about these things, but I would get eye rolls that were so loud they sounded like bowling balls, accompanied by, “Mom, I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww”.

Every family has its own values and beliefs, and by 9th grade, your child is familiar with those things.  Be assured that all of the conversations and the contents of them will be tested.  The hardest conversations will be about alcohol, drugs, sex, consent, birth control… and so much more.  Approaching this conversation will be different for each child, and if you haven’t started these yet, now is the best time to do so. 

Now, I lectured about these things.  That was wrongo-bongo.  Having a conversation would have made this so much more successful.  If I could do it over again, I would start by asking questions about what he’s loving about the summer break, segue it to getting ready for freshman year, and finally ask what he knows about one of these subjects.  I would do it over eating pizza or ice cream. 

And like I said, there will probably be a time that one or more of these rules and expectations will be tested.  Before that happens, deciding what the consequences would be ahead of time will make it easier at the time, instead of reacting with anger or major disappointment.  Being realistic about this will save your relationship.

5.        EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES.  Keep her busy.
I really think that what children really want to do as an extra-curricular activity starts at around the age of 9.  By the time she’s in 9th grade, she’ll know what she really wants to do.  Interests change, and so it’s OK to switch it up.  Freshman year is really a great time to explore that and discover what she loves doing.   Also, be prepared for her to change her mind; even if she does, explain that she made a commitment and sticking it out would be beneficial to her.

6.        CH-CH-CH-CHANGES IN FRIENDSHIPS.
Your teen is about to embark upon one of the most life-changing adventures of life:  meeting new friends that will help shape the rest of high school.  The ups and downs of this will happen, just be there for your child, and support him or her by offering casual get-togethers on the weekend.

7.        STICK WITH THEIR OWN KIND.
As awesome as it is for a freshman to be accepted by junior and senior friends, it’s important to remember that the life of a 17-year old is vastly different than a 14 year old.  Unless they are involved in a club activity that mixes the grades, freshman should stick together.

8.        SURREAL FOR MOM AND DAD.
Mom, this is a great opportunity to help your freshman learn to speak up.  In other words, teachers appreciate a little bit of input from you, but keep it to a minimum.  However, experts agree that if there is background information, then that should be supplied to the teacher it affects.

9.        WHAT TO TAKE?
You know your child pretty well, and what his strengths are.  Does he want strictly college prep?  That’s probably a great direction to go in, with traditional math, science, and literature courses.  Is the business world what she’s looking forward to?  Then accounting, speech, and marketing are all great places to start.  Speaking with the guidance counselor will help you and your child decide what will be best.

10.    SUNRISE, SUNSET
Where does the time go, anyway?  Most likely, you are eye-to-eye with your freshman, and you are feeling time flying be very quickly.  Take the time, every week or so, to check in and adjust to where you all are now.  Over ice cream.

11.    BONUS
Mom, you are officially in a new phase in your life, as the mother of a high school-aged child.  Either join a network of other moms, going through the same thing, or start one.  Doing so will help you to navigate and recognize that you aren’t the only one going through this, and you never know… you might make some new friends, too.
Also, don’t involve your teen with this part just yet, but do get to know the processes of applying for college and what your costs will be, etc.  Get all the information, and after the winter holidays, go over it with your child, and share some of the things you’ve learned.  Over ice cream.

It seems that ice cream will be a great way to smooth over the conversations that may be met with those eye rolls.  What a great tradition!

*The ideas for this list comes from https://grownandflown.com/mom-of-high-school-freshman/.  All verbiage above is my own.

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